wide awake and tired

wide awake and tired

A lot is going on at the moment:

For the past few months – maybe all year – I have been struggling to sleep a full night through. I have been waking at all hours, unable to get back to sleep. Having restless shallow sleep and vivid, dark dreams. Not usually one to pop a pill, for a time I resorted to using natural sleeping pills. Which once they had worn off left me wide awake, and thirsty. So I stopped those.

I then stopped my usual glass of wine with dinner. Which maybe made the biggest difference to getting a restful nights sleep.

Then I started a meditation practice. I have no doubt that as a direct result my sleep has improved. I am wide awake from 5 or 6am, and feel the need to write and create and plan. I am feeling more connected to – myself, I am experiencing a sense of hope, more synchronicity, a sense of opening up to possibilities and more aware of what the wider world has going on.

I seem now to be in a season of expansion. My dreams are more vivid, but my sleep is more restorative. By 9pm I am so tired.

We recently enjoyed a holiday in the mountains. These particular mountains – the ancient Cederberg – are my haven, the place I imagine when I am away, they have always restored me. They seem to turn my brain back to work and help my sense of possibility to expand.

Cape Town is a seasonal city – alive with events and visitors all summer, and quiet, cold and still in winter. This has positive and negative implications for our businesses (at the time of writing a simple beautiful life is not a business). In summer we are busy, active, working. In winter we hope the phone rings and the emails arrive. The winter hibernation results in more available time, but less income and stability. This results in stress, strain and anxiety-related insomnia. It also however leads to the need for creativity.

Being an Enneagram 7 I tend to see the positive in situations. I focus on the lessons learnt from the struggle and am not able to sit with the discomfort of potential calamity. Instead I stay busy and inspired…

I am experiencing a sense of growing up & leaning back towards the professional adult world.

Courses, and more courses – currently the uber-frugal month challenge, Enneagram learning, developing a regular meditation practice, more running to train for our first 10 mile (14km) race coming up, return to some gentle yoga stretches, and the Learning to Love Yourself course from Katie & Gay Hendricks. And open on my browser…

  • finance tools – 22Seven for budgeting
  • and Easy Equities for investing
  • upskilling tools – I have a few courses waiting for me on Udemy
  • other courses which I want to do – Conscious Parenting by Dr Shefali, How to Communicate like a Buddhist by Cynthia Kane, and 21 Day Tabata Yoga Body Challenge by Sadie Nardini – all from Daily Om

And I am returning to paper books (because I still can’t make peace with a kindle) and have started 3 – Positive Parenting by Rebecca Eames, Soul Talks by Rod Suskin, and First We Make the Beast Beautiful by Sarah Wilson.

I sound totally over-scheduled, but I am going through a growth spurt, as well as the start of a rebirth of a sense of self-belief – which has been dormant for many years. So for that I am celebrating.

I guess I need to hang on, breathe, focus on the present and enjoy the ride.